CLOSURE!

This year things worked on the way I wanted. At least the start was that way. Yet again I can find my peace of mind dying away. All I wanted was a happy life. More than happy, I wanted a simple life. How difficult can your life be when it follows a mantra of home to office to home? Yet, there’s a catch in this simple life. I guess the players in it screw your life. And you along with them screw it equally. Sometimes, I hate myself for being too nice to unwanted people. And when I really want to do something for people who I love to be with, I end up creating a mess. So I am left weeping to all myself and clueless to the results of my own actions. Anyways, I am being too optimistic and wishing for things to fall in right place, the way I want.
The best thing that could happen to me this year was my birthday (I wanted something different this year as I turned 25). A surprise gift from Singapore came walking at my doorstep (Wow). And got wished for the same from people on whom I trust more than myself. The sweetest gift I got was from my boss and dear friend who actually got something I had been asking him to get for me every time he visited Delhi. Overall, it has been a happy and not-so-sad year till now.
Each time when I walk into the office, I get this strange feeling. Like, I want to run away from everything. Not everyone. WTF. Yet, I am just not letting things affect me this time. I am trying to change the way I am. Be nice to people to people who are nice to me, and be neutral to those who do too much to get my attention. Aah, I love this attitude. This, free-spirited way of living. I guess, this is my best takeaway when I am getting myself ready to leave the stage and make way for a new person to take up my seat here.
As I close my eyes, I can see two long years of my life flashing away and it actually goes till my first day, when I walked into this office as a fresher. I think I am getting all warning signs, thanks to which I know my end in this place is nearing. Oh well, no worries as such. One needs to walk on rather than getting stuck up for nothing. Before I quit, there are so many things I need to do here. I think I should start making my own bucket list and get things working towards fulfillment of it. I can rate my first eight months here as the best time of my life ever. Met real good people here, who I wish, would remain with me till eternity. Anyways, my mind is getting too emotional. And I might be too touchy for next few months, because at the horizon, I can see a new sun waiting to shine away just for me!

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow with your tears running down,
Why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
Is it because he could not stay?
On your branches he would swing,
Do you long for the happiness that day would bring?
He found shelter in your shade,
He thought his laughter would never fade.
Weeping willow stop your tears,
For there is something to calm your fears.
You think death has ripped you forever apart,
But I know he'll always be in your heart.

Peace of Mind

Confusion, confusion...so much of confusion...Sometimes i feel like I am losing my mind and I just don't know the reason for it.I could just be unsocial and forget the world around with an attitude of "WHO CARES". But thats not the way I am.To be honest,I don't even understand why I am so confused.Maybe at the end of all this,i'll be confident enough to understand things around."Patience", gosh, i hate this word. What is it anyways.Makes me feel like a "Patient waiting for the cure to his disease".And when i wait and wait for the result,it comes out negative making things more worse.Is luck something that you bring it from above or has it been bestowed on only those people who God chooses fit to carry it on.I wish I was lucky. Who doesn't want their touch to be Midas's touch.I never underestimate people around me, be it my family members,friends, colleagues.But when things zero down on to me,Yes..I underestimate myself.I feel,I am not capable of doing the particular task on my own.It's not that i get scared of Failure, its the fear of falling down when things are pointed out in my direction as INCOMPLETE.At that time i feel like running away, vanish,evaporate,disappear into thin air.And this feeling has been engulfing me since last few months.Its just that i can't tell anyone, and go on overburdening my mind.Emotionally i get disturbed by all this,yet i try to stand strong.
Someone has rightly said, "If you want things to work for you,you need to work for it first".And for that the mind needs to be strong and should be relaxed.That is what I will strive hard for from now on.To be cool,steady,patient and relaxed.I hope this PEACE OF MIND resolution scares the GHOST OF CONFUSION lingering on my neck away to the hallows of death,making my life beautiful once again.

Ripples of my reflection

As I look
beyond the ripples of my reflection,
I see the horrors of my past
That makes me nervous,leaves me aghast,
And makes my soul feel like an outcast,
I close my eyes, to let it fade,
Till then, all my confidence is lost and dead.
I scream for help,
I scream for someone,
But the people around
just laugh and make fun.
I cry, I cry and cry with fear,
With a hope to seek some help from near and dear.
The ripples of reflection seem to grow each day
That day is not far,when i'll be one of it's prey.
All I need is another chance,
A chance to boost my confidence,and to enhance,
To grow strong,and never refrain,
and make the horrors never come again.
Will my prayers be heard and the chance be given,
Or will I be stuck with the ripples of my reflection forever,
and never be forgiven.
I'll wait till the day, when the mirror is broken,
with the ripples of my reflection gone, and I am still unbroken.

I love the way i live!!

If you know me, you'll know who I am,what I am, how I am..But if you don't know me, then you'll find me crazy..
Yah, crazy..That's the perfect word to describe myself.
"Sometimes I am low, sometimes I am high
Sometimes I loose everything,and I just don't know why"...
When I meet people, I just get affected by them, either positively or negatively.
When its positive,my mind tells me,"Dude, you just got a new friend added to your lifelong list". But, if the call is negative, it goes hazy for me.I get affected by that person so much, that I start crumbling from inside.Anyways, all this while, tumbling and stumbling has been part and parcel of my life.My friends often say,"You try to make people around you happy, irrespective of your likeness for those people.By this you'll never be happy".To this I often smile.and smile.and smile.
It's me.It's this way I've always been.I don't know how to "SAY NO" to anyone.
Silence, is what my key to every solution.Its better to stay shut than opening mouth here and there.
Along with being crazy, one can categorize me as an Emotional freak.
"Freak", I get emotional pretty soon.And never realized it until my life got caught up into twists and turns.
Otherwise, I am Happy-Go-Lucky stupid fun loving crazy Girl."wink"
When I meet new people, they often tell me everything about them,and I am all ears to them.Sometimes, I get emotionally affected by those stories so much, that I start living in their shoes.My friend,Akshay,always screams on me when he finds I am getting affected.He says,"Come back to reality from your stupid virtuality".To this I often smile.and smile.and smile.
I know one thing, Life is once,enjoy it to the fullest.Even if you are not happy, make others happy.Maybe,that person would remember me for my gesture in future.And even if not, I am not loosing a penny.So, i SMILE.To all those who care for me, love me, and consider me eligible to be their friend.And to all those, who pray for my painful death.
I JUST LOVE THE WAY I LIVE ;)

God save GEN-NEXT!!!

While reading an article recently about a reality show,where children of 10 or 12 years got fantastic recognition from the public and media,a feeling came in mind,when I was in this age,I actually knew nothing about outside stage.The only biggest platform for me was singing in my school,in front of so many children of my own age,few younger than me and few older.Today's youth are, I must say, at a time ten steps forward than my generation.Be it in any field and in any genre.
I don't say I am too old by saying "forward than my generation".But that's true.
When I walk pass my building,I find small kids in my apartment talk on topics that I wouldn't had dared to speak in that age.Well to be frank its not their mistake.They watch something on the idiot box and try to imitate that way.
I remember when I was in my school days,the only Television serial i watched with my parents was SURABHI.
English channels like STAR TV or STAR MOVIES were banned for me and my brother to see.But i guess,that was common thing in every household.I don't even remember that i ever watched Television after 8:00 p.m.
Now it just feels funny.It was same situation taking a "Computer" into focus.As a student ,it was fun to see Computer in school laboratory.When my first computer was bought,it had a CD-ROM.That felt like "WOW".Because till then I had seen computer's with floppy drives.When Internet was taken,the modem's that time had so strange and harsh musical tones.
That time maybe my parents and "their" generation must be feeling what i feel when i see today's generation.
Parents tend to give all comforts to their children that they never got as a child.That's a very good thing.But sometimes it might pose loads of problems.
Earlier,child born in rich families got all comfort and luxuries.Today,a middle class man can afford all that which he couldn't some years back.That's not wrong at all.But some times,so many comforts can make the child handicapped for rest of his/her life.
Without A.C,without bisleri water,without burger-pizza,that kid would surely become handicapped.Giving luxuries is good,but one must tell their child the ground realities of life too.They should be made aware of life outside the comfortable nest in which they are living.To some extent parents must be strict towards fulfilling demands of their child.
If the Gen-Next is getting all the facilities,let them enjoy,but to what extent they should,is the responsibility of older generations.Who has seen the future,but looking at the present situation amongst the youth,"GOD SAVE GEN-NEXT"

I Love You, Dad

Life is Beautiful, is a great saying.

But,what makes it a great???That's a serious question to answer,and cannot be answered that easily.Its complicated.The reason is,it depends from person to person.

For me,life is completely full of twists and turns,but for whom has it not been.

When do we say God is with us?Most of the times,when we are scared,we ask something to god,

When we are sad,we ask for some happiness.But when we are actually happy,we always forget God.Its so natural.

I was born at NAGPUR. Life there was simple.Living in bunglow,garden outside,and secured environment around.

My father left Nagpur in the year 1992 due to his official promotions.that time I was in my 3 rd std. My father used to stay at Amravati which is just 4 hours away from Nagpur,yet that distance was quite long for a small girl. I used to wait for saturday when my father used to come back to Nagpur.

But ,Monday mornings used to be sad ones as he used to leave again for his office and the long week ahead.

Each sunday night, i used to pray to God before sleeping,"GOD ,LET THIS NIGHT BE THE LONGEST,AND LET MY FATHER STAY HERE FOR LONGER TIME WITH US"

Now when i turn behind and think of it, it just feels funny and strange.

Till my 9 th std my father stayed away from us.Then ,as important years of my life approached,my parents made decision of coming to Mumbai.

When i started to stay with him ,after waiting for so long,something just changed.

We both used to fight.I used to hate his nagging about everything.And the daily dialogue of his "STUDY, DON'T WATCH T.V"

The person for whom i used to wait every week,had changed.But, he didn't change.He was the same.Somewhere,i had changed.I was no longer a small girl.

Had grown older as years had passed by.Maybe my priorities had changed.

Strangely till my school life ended,i used to get angry on my parents, because they brought me and my brother from our hometown to Mumbai, away from our home, friends,and school.

As days passed by,my life started to take various twists and turns.And through those ups and downs,I found my lost friend,My father, back in my life.He was always near me,I had kept my eyes closed.

Now when i stand at the point of life when only few years are left to be with him ,at his house, as his daughter,i retrace myself back to being 7 year old girl,the one he used to pick up and say "My Little Princess".

As i would leave this house of mine to be somebody's wife,i wonder,would i forget my father?Or would my love for him be divided?Strangely the same feeling over grips with this thought,just like i used to get on MONDAY MORNINGS.

As i turn the pages of my life,i found one thing,that i never did.I never said aloud to my father that i love him.Maybe never got that opportunity.Or may have got,but never got a chance to use it.

Now when I look into my future,that day is no longer away when, I, wearing my Bridal Dress,stand at the doorway, for last farewell ceremony,turn behind to look at my father, and run into his arms, crying,just like his 7 yr old princess,and whisper softly under my breathe,"I LOVE YOU,DAD".......